The Agony and Ecstasy of the Rave Culture


Raves were never a cultural shift. In the past they were underground, they were in the woods, they were in Europe. Of course America has to do the thing they do best… make everything HUGE.

Today, millions upon millions of dollars are being thrown at the EDM scene, making them larger and larger and ever more costly. Tickets get sold out in under a matter of hours…

The entertainment industry realized that they can capitalize on the market that caters to novelty seekers. People are willing to pay almost any outstanding price just to not feel like mindless zombie paper pushers doing the 9 to 5. Its insane because they know its true. Now, i’m trying to not completely bash the rave scene because obviously not everything is black and white, we must focus on the shades of grey presented before us.

Artists like Skrillex, Zeds Dead, Bassnectar, Pretty Lights (to name a few of my favorites) have created some of the most enticing and memorable music that literally went straight through my ears and into my heart. I respect music to a degree that its deemed spiritual to me. It has the capability to not only patch up the holes in my heart, but also serves at the catalyst for much of my own art. I don’t know many artists that can create without music. So, to say that charging an outstanding price for a ticket to see them, I understand. Huge festivals are also the epitome for some of the greatest sculptures and interactive art that I have ever had the great pleasure of experiencing.

Now some ask what came first the drugs or the shitty dubstep? I have to honestly laugh out loud when I hear this just because in my opinion there is a LOT of shitty dubstep. But what will forever be entwined with the rave scene is molly.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and wear my heart on my sleeve when i talk about this. The first time I ever took e was at some underground sketchy ass warehouse rave. The music sucked, but I had no idea what good rave music really was. My home girl whom i liked to called the polish princess because she was Poland was my ‘spiritual guide’ if you want to call it that. I was such a newb to all of this that you will laugh when i tell you, i barely ever smoked pot, and then just on a whim decided to do this. The event is so far away from me in time and space that the little details I have are not much to go on, because things fade in time. I definitely remember passionately writing in my journal about the experience, but that would require me to go dig through a library of journals.

I can tell you it was a few more years in between that first time and the next time, mainly because I was on antidepressants for a few years and I knew that even if I tried to roll it would not really work to the level that I would want it to. I started the habit back up because, well, I started going to better raves. I also met the most recent love of my life. He was a psychonaut like me and I wanted to transcend realities with him. We did. When I tell you that I had never felt a love so profound, out of all the loves in my short life, ours was the closest thing to natural ecstasy that I will ever experience in my life. I want to cry as I write this, I want to cry not only because i’m still devastated about our finifungal and eventual severed connection.. I want to cry because I am so very grateful it happened.

But a word of caution that I really wished I understood before I experienced it. I want you to know that molly had the ability to open my heart and my mind to things that I never thought were tangible. But eventually, the drug will take more than give to you. It won’t seem like that at first, or the second, or third time. It may take you quite a couple of times, but eventually the come downs will become more extreme, more horrifying. If I knew that my end game with molly contributed to an acute psychosis that lingered and slowly eroded the love that I had for my other half I never would have taken it the amount of times I did. In the beginning I was convinced our love was deeper because of those shared experiences, but in the end it only left me alone. A self sabotaging self fulfilling prophecy.

Are raves a good thing? Yes I believe so. I believe that our generation wants to feel whole. We don’t want to suffer from ignorance, racism, homophobia, desperation, the ego. These ideas divide us, and if molly has the ability for a split second for us to realize that the only walls we have are the ones we build, then raves should be seen as a right of passage. But be cautious. Please be cautious. For all the good there are fake drugs that can fuck with you, and even if you try to play it smart and buy a test kit…those have been known to be fake too. Please, if you have a family history of mental disorders it is even more important that you don’t over do it because even if you did not show any symptoms prior, if you have a predisposition towards it, it can bring that out. Understand that i’m not trying to preach or condemn anyone. I just wish I had shown more caution to my own mental health because maybe, just maybe I would not have thrown away my chance for true love because I willingly gave myself delusional psychosis. And if my mistake can prevent someone else from the self inflicted suffering, then I would be glad my words helped you.

Rave on my plurp peeps, I love you all.


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